If only I could... (one in a series of real life responses to real life comments)

OK So as a Mom of a reasonably large family I get a lot of comments.. recently it was my daughters dance class mate asking her if I was really her mom. When she answered yes the little girl looked at me and said "OH.. my Mom is a LOT younger than your Mom!" ..ah yes but I have the really cool British accent and the to die for sarcastic whit that allows you to say that in my hearing and retain all your fingers and toes! ...Just kidding.. I think..

That is a new one for all of us, usually it's folks asking me if these, (pointing at each child in turn), are really all my children. I have learnt over the years that a simple yes never suffices. If I say yes then I get the.. "Really? All YOUR children?" .."umm yes..still all my children." "No, I mean did you really have all these kids?" ..for crying out loud it's just six so far, but I constantly find myself at the rapier end of the potentially deadly question.

The question stressing the ALL is a benign question..that's a simple..wow you have a big family statement and we actually enjoy that one. It's the question stressing the YOURS that is so toxic. Now,  I'm not going to fall over from it gagging and gasping for air, and I'm going to rip of anyone's limbs and hit them over the end with the soggy end (a dear expression my late grandfather used on me all the time..still makes me giggle), but deadly in the wound it could inflict on my sweet children.

I've considered the "Why do you ask, are you interested in fertility help, treatments, adoption.. etc" response but really the question is rarely asked in a place I could have that kind of conversation.

I've pondered the, "Define YOURS" response, but my kiddos are too smart. They are all usually all standing there waiting to see which answer Mom pulls out the bag this time, and secretly hoping it will be a sane one and not one that reverts to that sassy Brit whit. They all know what is going through my mind because we have talked it all through with them.

My body born children all know that they are not special because "they came into my arms covered in blood and vernix and attached to my placenta" they are special because they are unique and beautifully created by God and He in His great wisdom allowed us to conceive them and birth them to love and raise them to love Him. Still.. I don't want to diminish their unique entry into our family..it was miraculous and they are amazing children!

My older adopted child knows she is not special because she didn't come into our family the same gory way her siblings arrived. She came beautifully clean and dressed, with a headful of hair (boy does she have a head full of hair!) and able to do arithmetic and diagram sentences.. well maybe not quiet THAT special. She came uniquely and beautifully created by God and He, in His great wisdom, allowed us to adopt her to love and raise her to love Him.

And my youngest adopted daughter is still working it all out and isn't shy to ask any stranger who their Mom is and how did they get to be in THEIR family. She expects straight answers cause she doesn't realise she is asking an emotionally charged question. After all, all her questions are answered matter of factly and calmly at home..why not else where?

And all these children..these children of MINE are watching me look at the lady in the check out line and are waiting for me to give the answer that sums up, quickly,..before she heads to her car with groceries. I can only get away with opening and shutting my mouth like a fish on dry land for a few seconds..

So today I FINALLY came up with it.. the perfect answer.. the one answer fits all response.

"Are these all YOUR children?"

"I'm learning to play the trumpet!"

"Yes but are all these YOUR children?"

"I can play Jingle Bells"

"Right..and these kids?..."

"Nope they don't play the trumpet."

It's perfect :0)

Seriously, we don't mind..usually. But it is hard when you know your child has just had a difficult moment of missing a birth sibling, or you some sibling rivalry has raised it's head that morning and feathers are ruffled, anxieties have raised their heads again, or it's the fifth time of being asked and I can tell it is getting old for all of us. Or..as more often happens, we forgot..just for a moment that we are an adopted family. We were just pottering along in our fabulous normal life, everyone settled, no one raw, no one sad, no one feeling left out or different. That's when it's hard not to resort to to Brit whit, that's when I have to dig deeper and remind myself of the grace I have been shown so often when I have been the one asking the questions someone might now want to answer.

Now.. I'm off to practice my newly acquired musical interest..just incase I'm asked to prove it!