Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed...

An incident happened the other day that hit from behind and then flew round to catch me from the side too. I was trying to explain to someone why we could not sign up for any major commitments over the Thanks Giving holiday time. We were going to be busy, we were hopefully going to be bringing children home through adoption, I didn't want to commit to something I couldn't follow through on...

The person misunderstood and thought I was balking at a few extra rehearsals and performance times. It might have been the feeling of being condescended too that triggered my reaction..but I don't think so, I think it was the sheer overwhelm of having to explain it one more time..

I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs "I am not overwhelmed by a few rehearsals, a bit of extra time spent coming and going for a fun, good thing! You could not have any idea unless you were standing right here in my shoes how ridiculous that sounds after the week I have had waiting... waiting.. waiting.. after the month I had before this week... and the one before that.. of the trips we have taken.. of the hoops we have jumped through.. of the papers we have filed and the months and years I have spent trying to get to Act 1 Scene 1 in our adoption story! If you think the idea of having to watch someone repeat themselves for a few weeks is overwhelming to me you should come see me hit send and receive on a good day!

I wanted to shout and cry that," I hoped with all my heart and soul that I would not be able to make this event because I would be too busy bringing my boys home to the family that has loved them for OH SO LONG!" I wanted to find the right word to convey the pain I was in by thinking that this event might come and go and I would still be no closer to that dream.

I wanted to explain it all and explain non of it. I didn't want to answer the "when will they be home?"' question. I'm tiring of the usually vague "Next week or, next year or, somewhere in between."

This is the raw me, the part of me that thankfully gets tamed on the way up.. the part that the Lord allows to be full on with Him as He shows His mercy and grace by not allowing it to be full on in public..especially not with strangers! :0) This is the side you don't want new folks starting the process of adoption to see but it is always there, this raw pain that is the mothers love that is missing the two little boys who are missing. This is the grief of loss and sorrow that still accompanies the joy of each picture and update of my living sons.

I am homesick for Haiti while, being heartful and happy here in my life. It is equally good and hard at the exact same time..all the time.

The raw managed to be presented as a well done comment.. the truth but not the whole truth. "I don't want to commit to something you will be relying on us for, there is a good chance we will not be available during that time and I don't want to let you down." Nice, neat and well presented and done without screaming, crying or ranting.. that I left for my blog post.


Updated photos

We had some bad news last week. Our adoption decree is not ready yet. This means that we are NOT in the passport phase, it also means our I600 is NOT complete as we had thought it was.
While we pray for that one piece of paper to be in our hands ASAP our boys are leaving behind baby and heading into true toddler.
We don't need to tell you how our hearts feel, but let me tell you.. our hearts, minds, hopes and dreams are full of these little guys.

We just finished a ten day visit with my parents here and managed to get the balance of rest and explore just right.

we went for walks, visited the zoo, the history meuseum and the State fair. Had temperatures from 50 to 100 F and sun and rain to boot. We played the piano and  cards (neither for money!) and ate some pretty great food and some pretty iffy stuff too! (Kiddos got deep fried snickers (in England those are marathons) at the fair... )

And now we are back to preparing for school to start in October, by now we had all hoped we would be getting ready to go get the boys. Life has to go on for all of us, they are safe, have great care takers and dedicated staff looking out for them. For all that i am grateful, but every day I wake up and look at their beds waiting for them, the changing table with their little Boise State outfits getting too small for them, the high chairs way too clean!

Holy God please hear our prayer.. bring these children home to be loved on, cared for, cherished for your Glory. Our hearts ache.


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Monday, September 12, 2011

Being, Knowing, Trusting..

This Friday will be six weeks since Steve went to Haiti to see the judge and finalise our adoption.

In my head I have been yearning for this timeline to come and go, after this Friday I will be able to get on with the job of waiting for an indefinite period of time.

It's an odd place to be this place of waiting, so intense in its palpable, physical strain and yet with it comes a deeper sense of just being, knowing, trusting.

Being in my life as part of it is on hold waiting for completion...

Knowing that all things work together for good, knowing that nothing is forever of certain except the love of Jesus Christ and the reality of eternity with Him or without Him

Trusting the workers, the government officials, the process..trusting God's provision of just enough faith and sanity to get me through and grow me from the inside out..

And so another week starts:

Thanking God for a safe trip to Colorado Springs for a reunion weekend that left us all happy but worn out.
Looking forward to a trip from my parents here to visit us.
Thanking God for two answers to prayers for other people's adoptions this past week.
Looking forward to more answers this week as we see passports, dossiers and adoptions moving forward.

Thanking and Looking and in all things Trusting our father in Heaven from whom all good things flow.


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

One more child..

Praise God!!!! One family heard today that they too are out of IBESR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After praying so fervently for so long these parents leave Sunday to go and hold their child in their arms, complete the legal leg work needed to start the final home coming process!!!

GREAT NEWS and we rejoice with them tonight!

We are soooooo have our family home :0)

While my heart yearns more and more to be in Haiti and today has been one of those "tears and yearning days" I decided to get down to a long put off task. I have a photo frame that I have been keeping to put all our family photos in ..once the boys are home. Today I decided to put our boys in the frame in our home :0) I LOVE IT!!!

The photo above is now by the computer but if I look towards the kitchen I see this:

OK..Ok.. I knnow you are all reaching for your reading glasses and wondering where the kids spy glass went so you can get a closer look at....

Not nearly like holding them in my arms, watching them get into stuff around the house or waiting for them to wake up from nap time so we can really truly belive they are here.. cause they aren't..not yet... BUT at least now I can fill my eyes even if my arms are still available.

It's a new week, I'm taking that deep breath that comes before I get back to praying for God's favor on these sons of mine and my friends children waiting to come home. I have to confess today was NOT a good day, I had several adult tantrums and "I don't wanna's". Even cleaning up was one straw too many today, the monotony of it all!

So now that is out of the way I chose to listen to some uplifting music and go through my photos from the summer. I created a "think on these things" album, pictures of God's creation I have been surrounded during this season.  Seeing the photos of the camp fires we have been able to have brought back deliscious memoires of smores, joyful heart stirrings of sticky faces and marshmallows aflame.I'm not unmindful though of thosewho are battling fires accross Texas and for those who are seeing the mighty destructive force of the flames on their homes.

The first few photos are of our special girl who chose to dedicate her life to Christ and be obedient to His command to believe, repent and be baptised.. now there is something to dwell on :0)

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