I'm Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed...

An incident happened the other day that hit from behind and then flew round to catch me from the side too. I was trying to explain to someone why we could not sign up for any major commitments over the Thanks Giving holiday time. We were going to be busy, we were hopefully going to be bringing children home through adoption, I didn't want to commit to something I couldn't follow through on...

The person misunderstood and thought I was balking at a few extra rehearsals and performance times. It might have been the feeling of being condescended too that triggered my reaction..but I don't think so, I think it was the sheer overwhelm of having to explain it one more time..

I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs "I am not overwhelmed by a few rehearsals, a bit of extra time spent coming and going for a fun, good thing! You could not have any idea unless you were standing right here in my shoes how ridiculous that sounds after the week I have had waiting... waiting.. waiting.. after the month I had before this week... and the one before that.. of the trips we have taken.. of the hoops we have jumped through.. of the papers we have filed and the months and years I have spent trying to get to Act 1 Scene 1 in our adoption story! If you think the idea of having to watch someone repeat themselves for a few weeks is overwhelming to me you should come see me hit send and receive on a good day!

I wanted to shout and cry that," I hoped with all my heart and soul that I would not be able to make this event because I would be too busy bringing my boys home to the family that has loved them for OH SO LONG!" I wanted to find the right word to convey the pain I was in by thinking that this event might come and go and I would still be no closer to that dream.

I wanted to explain it all and explain non of it. I didn't want to answer the "when will they be home?"' question. I'm tiring of the usually vague "Next week or, next year or, somewhere in between."

This is the raw me, the part of me that thankfully gets tamed on the way up.. the part that the Lord allows to be full on with Him as He shows His mercy and grace by not allowing it to be full on in public..especially not with strangers! :0) This is the side you don't want new folks starting the process of adoption to see but it is always there, this raw pain that is the mothers love that is missing the two little boys who are missing. This is the grief of loss and sorrow that still accompanies the joy of each picture and update of my living sons.

I am homesick for Haiti while, being heartful and happy here in my life. It is equally good and hard at the exact same time..all the time.

The raw managed to be presented as a well done comment.. the truth but not the whole truth. "I don't want to commit to something you will be relying on us for, there is a good chance we will not be available during that time and I don't want to let you down." Nice, neat and well presented and done without screaming, crying or ranting.. that I left for my blog post.

Wendy

Updated photos

We had some bad news last week. Our adoption decree is not ready yet. This means that we are NOT in the passport phase, it also means our I600 is NOT complete as we had thought it was.
While we pray for that one piece of paper to be in our hands ASAP our boys are leaving behind baby and heading into true toddler.
We don't need to tell you how our hearts feel, but let me tell you.. our hearts, minds, hopes and dreams are full of these little guys.





We just finished a ten day visit with my parents here and managed to get the balance of rest and explore just right.

we went for walks, visited the zoo, the history meuseum and the State fair. Had temperatures from 50 to 100 F and sun and rain to boot. We played the piano and  cards (neither for money!) and ate some pretty great food and some pretty iffy stuff too! (Kiddos got deep fried snickers (in England those are marathons) at the fair... )

And now we are back to preparing for school to start in October, by now we had all hoped we would be getting ready to go get the boys. Life has to go on for all of us, they are safe, have great care takers and dedicated staff looking out for them. For all that i am grateful, but every day I wake up and look at their beds waiting for them, the changing table with their little Boise State outfits getting too small for them, the high chairs way too clean!

Holy God please hear our prayer.. bring these children home to be loved on, cared for, cherished for your Glory. Our hearts ache.

Wendy 

Being, Knowing, Trusting..

This Friday will be six weeks since Steve went to Haiti to see the judge and finalise our adoption.

In my head I have been yearning for this timeline to come and go, after this Friday I will be able to get on with the job of waiting for an indefinite period of time.

It's an odd place to be this place of waiting, so intense in its palpable, physical strain and yet with it comes a deeper sense of just being, knowing, trusting.

Being in my life as part of it is on hold waiting for completion...

Knowing that all things work together for good, knowing that nothing is forever of certain except the love of Jesus Christ and the reality of eternity with Him or without Him

Trusting the workers, the government officials, the process..trusting God's provision of just enough faith and sanity to get me through and grow me from the inside out..


And so another week starts:

Thanking God for a safe trip to Colorado Springs for a reunion weekend that left us all happy but worn out.
Looking forward to a trip from my parents here to visit us.
Thanking God for two answers to prayers for other people's adoptions this past week.
Looking forward to more answers this week as we see passports, dossiers and adoptions moving forward.

Thanking and Looking and in all things Trusting our father in Heaven from whom all good things flow.

Wendy

One more child..

Praise God!!!! One family heard today that they too are out of IBESR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After praying so fervently for so long these parents leave Sunday to go and hold their child in their arms, complete the legal leg work needed to start the final home coming process!!!

GREAT NEWS and we rejoice with them tonight!

We are soooooo ready...to have our family home :0)

While my heart yearns more and more to be in Haiti and today has been one of those "tears and yearning days" I decided to get down to a long put off task. I have a photo frame that I have been keeping to put all our family photos in ..once the boys are home. Today I decided to put our boys in the frame in our home :0) I LOVE IT!!!

The photo above is now by the computer but if I look towards the kitchen I see this:

OK..Ok.. I knnow you are all reaching for your reading glasses and wondering where the kids spy glass went so you can get a closer look at....

Not nearly like holding them in my arms, watching them get into stuff around the house or waiting for them to wake up from nap time so we can really truly belive they are here.. cause they aren't..not yet... BUT at least now I can fill my eyes even if my arms are still available.

It's a new week, I'm taking that deep breath that comes before I get back to praying for God's favor on these sons of mine and my friends children waiting to come home. I have to confess today was NOT a good day, I had several adult tantrums and "I don't wanna's". Even cleaning up was one straw too many today, the monotony of it all!

So now that is out of the way I chose to listen to some uplifting music and go through my photos from the summer. I created a "think on these things" album, pictures of God's creation I have been surrounded during this season.  Seeing the photos of the camp fires we have been able to have brought back deliscious memoires of smores, joyful heart stirrings of sticky faces and marshmallows aflame.I'm not unmindful though of thosewho are battling fires accross Texas and for those who are seeing the mighty destructive force of the flames on their homes.

The first few photos are of our special girl who chose to dedicate her life to Christ and be obedient to His command to believe, repent and be baptised.. now there is something to dwell on :0)

And here we are...

The end of one week and transitioning into a brand new one. It was disappointing not to hear news today but I have to remind myself that God answers prayers to His glory not MY timetable. Still, my human nature is straining towards the homecomings of so many children that it's hard not to "pull a faith muscle" once in a while :0)

I think having the earthquake in Virginia and then the hurricane pass so close to Haiti before battering the US coast brigs the reality of disaster close to home. Not having the boys here in my care is hard for this Momma! Not that they are not being taken excellent care of in Haiti..they are.. I have no complaints.. but I also have no control. And the giving up of control for my little bitties is very hard.

SOOOOOO..I've scrubbed rooms and been cyber shopping for new bedroom set and dining set for our family. It is time for us to upgrade to a table we will all be able to sit around and we need to replace our bed which we gave away in South Carolina. After three months we have finally homed in on.. a truck load of options..narrowed down from "to infinity and beyond" or so it seems. When we  pick a finalist I'll post the winner :0)

I've been introduced to the crazy world of Wipeout. A family member is part of the black and blue team that tests these stunts for the show. The entertainment is watching humanity trying to scale these seemingly imposable courses for the grand prize of $50,000 and yes..once again I start thinking how many adoptions that would allow. As there are days I have a hard time scaling the few toys left in the hallway I doubt my progress would be spectacular in this show..but in my head I like to think it would be :0)

So, ending the week hopeful that next week we will hear our adoption decree is in the hands of our lawyers, our passports are in progress and we can plan a trip to get the boys. Also hopeful we will hear the same for friends at the same stage as we are AND that we will hear that Lovely Roseline is out of IBESR.  Praying for safety and security for friends and family on the East Coast tonight and through the weekend.

Hard day

It's not been a hard day all day, I've had moments of laughter, fun and joy. This evening we went to church and once again God had been filling the Pastor in on all my failings so he could cut to the quick and give me another humbling learning experience..God is good that way :0) Loves us enough to only let us rest on our laurels briefly before He continues His honing of us!

But all day I have felt like a cat on a hot tin roof. We got two forms back saying our paper work had been sent to the Haitian Embassy for processing. This means that once we get the passports and the boys have had their physicals we can go get visas for them and bring them home!! YET we don't have passports or even the adoption decree yet..so.....

And I have been missing Jesley so much today!!! The grief doesn't seem to be getting any easier and the closer the boys come to being home the big the Jesley gap is. I rejoice so in the boys, my sons, who will be coming home with us but I am mourning my Jesley..my Noah and strangely I'm mourning the loss of my twins as well. Can't really put my finger on it but it is part of this journey and so here it is...

So thankful the last two hurricanes have skirted Haiti. Being here and having the boys there has my Mummy heart wanting to jump on a plane and fly INTO the storms not away from them, I want my arms around them if danger is coming.. thankfully God loves them infinitely more than I do, but still.

My twins

So thankful I got the brief time I did with them and I know joy will come in the morning once my sons are home. I have such a great deal to look forward to.

School and Scholars

I am often asked how we homeschool... well this is how we do it TODAY! Everyday is different...

I missed getting photos of Emma making smoothies for us all this morning and the children doing their morning chores.. but here is how I found them when I just got up to get photos....

J finishing off science

E has injured her back but that doesn't stop a homeschooler :0)

B finished his reading unit yesterday and now is slogging through handwriting

A studying for a test

C getting ready for some painting

H is finishing her reading unit..

                                          C has finished painting and is doing her letter sheet

We all stop to check out hummingbirds (the bird of the month) at http://www.wbu.com/

and the owl cam at  http://www.ustream.tv/channel/bonnie-and-clyde-owlcam

and then it is lunch time....

Benjamin takes a marketing call.. no thank-you we don't want a free cruise..

and everyone indulges C and watches Hello Kitty with lunch..

after lunch we get our chores done.. laundry..

dog walking...

cleaning out the dogs room

(and dishes..the boys are on dishes today and I'm too busy refereeing disputes to take a photo :0) )

we are heading into the afternoon.. it will be more of the same...

Except C's bike chain will come off and get wrapped around the barrel of her bike..

so instead of riding she chooses to try to plant a few petals and see if they will grow into flowers..

maybe like this rose which we frequently take time to stop and smell..

the flower not yielding the results she had hoped she enlists big brother to help her make crayons..

and spend some time watching the old crayons melt..

as busy as she is she still manages to stage a little people invasion of H's school desk...

and...

crawls down the hallway like a slug or snail... which happens to be what H has been learning about today...

after tests have been completed guinea pigs need cleaning out...

and of course that leads to a great family art-o-tunity

 look familiar?

 how about now?

 or now...?

 now????

 maybe now.. all we need is the old house in the background!

Crazy kids!!!! :0)

And so endeth a homeschool day :0)

Cows and horses have four legs!

Sometimes it is the simple statements that stop you in your tracks!

"Mummy, cows and horses have four legs!"

"Yes they do!"

"Look one, two, flee, four...and one, two, flee, four!"

All this said in the awed tone of just having discovered the meaning of the universe! Sometimes it takes my breath away that I have the joy of raising this little girl, she brings such moments of intesity to our home.

"and Blueberry cup cake has two!"

uhh.. well Okie Dokie then.. my world of knowledge is now complete!

It is true, as evidenced by this photo taken by the great mathamatician herself.. horses have four and cupcakes have two!

The other day I was cleaning up my room and tidying up the baby area with a heart full of longing for my sons to be home with us. Little Miss C popped right up and asked what I was doing.

"Getting the area ready for our babies"

"Oooohhhhh," squeeled C "I just get so'ssssssss excited when yous says babies!!!!!!!!!!"

Yep, me too little girl!