For when the boys come home..

I have been reading several blogs and talking on line to several families who have brought their children home in the last year. Several things have become increasingly obvious to me and so I wanted to write them down, to open up dialog and get feedback before our sons come home.

I will be re-posting this with any added sugestions to help us navigate the first few weeks closer to our "due date".

1) There has to be a party!!!
There has to be a party....at the bottom of the stairs or in the luggage area..or in the arrivals area.. there has to be a party, a welcoming home, a symbol of having "Made IT!!" There has to be lots of photos and hopefully some video and it has to be posted to facebook as soon as possible so that those  who can't be there but really want to be can rejoice and cry and rejoice.. with the family. After all you all had to suffer with me thought blog after blog, after status update that said ..well not much really.. you deserve the party..I can't wait for the party and the children are positively busting at the seams when they think about it!! So PLEASE..come to the party :0)

UPDATED: Please be aware that this bombardment of the senses is going to be terrifying for the babies :0) They may shut down and not be their usual smiling, happy selves.. it's OK.. I want them to know in the years to come that they were celebrated when they came home. And my big kids need this, they need the release of years of waiting to be a joyful supportive gathering..so please..when you know when we are coming.. feel free to come join in the fun!


2) Then there has to be recovery!!!
As you are all aware we have been through three years of straining towards this point. As I write this blog post I am physically and mentally and emotionally drained already. But all we have been through is nothing compared to the things my sons have had to endure as they waited for us to come and get them. Add to that the experience of traveling with two babies from Haiti to Oklahoma, three plane rides..three take offs and landings and these children have never even traveled in a stroller before! The excitement of the "Party" and then the reality of bringing the baby home. To our home!! To be part of our family. Our family, our base family, our church family, our community family! That's a lot of family and we will need to take it slow and steady.
First of all we will need to take care of all their medical issues, skin and intestinal. We will need to build their immune systems up and probably ours too after the travel and stress. We will be having multiple doctor visits and specialist referrals to deal with existing conditions. This would be a great time to surround us with your doorstep love. Please don't feel offended if you come by and we don't invite you in to stay a spell, but  please don't feel like you can't pop by. I might just need a moment to sit on the step and chat..or I might not.. just know that we are looking forward to the day you can come and sit a spell with us and watch the family play.


3) There has to be connection!!
Our children have come from an excellent orphanage. The Nannies sing and pray and love on our children. The mission teams hold and play with them and we have had a chance to go and care for them for a week  at a time. Peter was cared for by his mother for the first few months of his life but has been part of the cresche for several months now. Wadley had Jesley for the first few months but has been on his own for over a year now. They have had to learn at a tender age that they are not always going to get their needs met, they have had to learn to sooth them selves and they have had to learn that multiple caregivers give basic sustenance. When they come home they will need to learn WHO Mummy and Daddy are, WHAT  a Mummy and Daddy are and WHY a Mummy and Daddy are good to have around.
Here is the hard part.. I know so many of my friends and family will want to hold and play with and care for these new family members. But I have to ask that until they don't want to go to anyone else but us, that you help us help them identify us as safe people by not picking them up, by directing them to us for all needs to be met and even if they are crying and reaching out for you (which they will do because it is how they get the missionaries attention when they come to the cresche) that you just tell them verbally you love them but direct them physically back to us to hold and nurture.
There is going to come a day when this will no longer be an issue and we can not wait for that healthy milestone to be reached. again bear with us please and remind yourself and others who may not have read this blog WHY we need it to be this way for the while.

4) There has to be "Those days"
After all in my dream life the boys come home, the house is spotless, the meals are all ready, the children are all healthy. The boys enter the home and start to play nicely with the toys and each other and the siblings. No one is crowding them, the five year old is not trying to pick them up every two seconds, the sisters aren't vying for their attention and the brothers aren't trying to do the boy bond thing.. nope.. in my dream every one is wearing flowing clothes, the sunlight is cascading over us all and I think I hear harps playing :)
IN real life however.. there will be overwhelm, and squabbles, the stress of the wait will be out in all of us, the sleepless nights and the 2 hour diapers will be taking their toll. The looks in public and the natural "do I know what I am doing?" new parent thought process will be kicking in.
There may be days when the smile is a little strained and the "We are doing great" might not sound quite honest. There might be a day when I'm watching Wadley and Peter and I am missing Jesley. There might be days when the intestinal stuff isn't clearing and I am up to my eyebrows in poop! There might be days where i can't see straight for lack of sleep...
I want you to know I know this :0) Because when I am having one of these days I'd love it if you could just say.. "squirrel" or better yet give me a hug and tell me you are proud of me or that it's OK. Please feel free to restrain the "this is what you chose" and "you did this to yourself," and the " you have no one else to blame" comments. And you might wonder who would say such a thing after all we have been through..but let me tell you.. it's been said :0) and I'd love for it not to be said again, not even in jest please..thank-you.

5) In the end there has to be family!
I can not wait for you all to meet my sons. I can't wait for them to be out in the neighborhood playing, in church worshiping, in base activities as part of our family (hopefully behaving) and in our community living life as Americans to the full. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people. I have the best people who speak wisdom and truth to me daily!!! DAILY!! The best support and the I couldn't be happier to be bringing my sons home to this lifestyle. I wish my friends in VA and SC could all be at the airport :0) My friends and family in England, Virgina, Idaho, Texas.. all of you who have walked this walk with us. I wish all my adoptive friends could be there..and that I could be at the bottom of the stairs when they bring their children home too. Thankfully we have the Internet :0) and I can share those moments with you all.

This will be the start of the rest of the journey..thank-you for reading through this with me. I truly would love your feedback and thoughts on what I have written.

Love Wendy